Tuesday, December 31, 2002

hey its the last day of the year! well, it didnt turn out well as of now. im really angry at my brother's childish ways. he's so annoying and damn! he's really a spoiled jerk. anyway, im trying to forget about it but when it did get to my nerves i have the tendency to be a bit cranky. shesh... may sumpong na agad ako!! ang aga aga pa naman... well i just hope this thing will be through by the time the year ends so that ill start anew.
my blog when i was still in pangasinan:

Time seems to flow very fast since the last time we met. I reckon that night before we parted. She looks dazzling and even more astounding. Back then, it never fails to make my heart beat. Though I said I will forget my feelings for her, I still can’t stop my emotions from being overjoyed every time I think of the moments I’m with her. It’s already a week since we had a vacation. It may seem a temporary vacation for me but it is not. I am not going to see her for the class because our review schools are different. Right now, it is my second day at our province. I call it ‘a time to reflect’. It is a time that I should say as a moment of pausing since it will require a great force of energy to master the fundamentals of accounting. Next year, I would need a lot of concentration because the board exam is nearly approaching. I would also try to resolve my problems of the heart. It seems to me that it is such a powerful force that drains most of my energies. It also affects much of my willingness and it hinders me from achieving what I want if I am very much disappointed with matters of the heart. And for that I have decided to close the chapter that tackles my loving desire for that girl for awhile. Should it require me to take up a closing journal entry? I might since I am an accountancy major. I have decided that it should also be a good thing to make a reversing journal entry once I have passed the CPA Board Exams… Ain’t that cute?! It may seem to fall again on the conversation of the heart … gesh! I’ve decided to change the topic because I don’t want to feel the heartache again and again!

As i have just said, it's been my second day here at Pangasinan. WHat have i done lately? Well, we went to the beach yesterday. A little stroll and i found out that there are some changes both good and bad on our beach resort. THe good part is that they have already started to build a large cottage that would serve as our sanctuary once we have a family reunion which happens every April. But unfortunately, the cottage remained unfinished. I have also noticed that there seems to be a big puddle of salt water lying just near the shore. My cousin said that it was caused by a storm which occured sometime in July. Then, after a few walks we settled in one of the kawayan cottages. It seems to me that i havent been over with my terrible vices. I even drank a beer last night. Although i feel good just watching the sun go down, i feel at my worst thinking of the girl that i should have right now. I always thought that we are for each other since we enjoy each other's company but i know that she doesn't feel the kind of affection im feeling for her. Its such a shame that i dont have her to experience this spectacular event. During my stay here, i have been reading a novel by Robert Waller, which is entitled "The Bridges of Madison County". Robert, the character in the book, is a photographer and is adoring the beauty of the sunset. He says that most people just walk away after seeing the sun from setting. They do not know the aftermath of it. I looked at the sky and saw a beautiful mixture of colors that was painted in the sky. The light is said to be bouncing back from the sky. I saw what Robert was trying to say in the novel. It was really adorable. It was more than magnificent but an enchanting moment for me. As dawn quickly arrived we returned back home and waited for supper to be served. I read again the novel and was enticed by the romance. The story of Robert and Francesca was really mesmerizing. It fathoms not the usual teenybopper love story but a magical romantic novel. I begin to wonder how the powerful magic of love as it plays when destiny arrives. I was used in believing that there were no such things as destiny and even in soulmate. But i thought of the chances that we are given. Love comes suddenly that u never really imagine that this person would capture your heart. and u become a bit amazed that u feel a weird sensation in our heart. You feel that she completes you totally and it seems that eternity is what you feel when youre with her. Like in the novel, they only have four days of togetherness but it was a lifetime according to them. i have felt that too but only to myself since i kept it. I know she feels something too (somehow) but she's trying to hold it back and repress the feeling since it would be awkward to be in love with a friend. Or maybe im not that perfect for her (sob...). I konw she'll one day realize that she cant find her mr perfect and she will someday realize the person that she loves is the person that makes her laugh and somebody she wants to be with most of the time feeling the comfort. But i hope that time will occur is when the time i still feel something for her. but come to think of it, if you really love a person then there is the saying that 'love is patient and kind'. i know ill wait for her even though i think i wont. subconciously, i know i will still lover her as time rolls by.

---case closed!---

[ part 2 of pangasinan blogs coming up... ]

Sunday, December 29, 2002

hi guyz... im really really tired and exhausted from the long trip...

i've been to pangasinan for almost three days...

my parents were still gonna stay there til monday

so my cousin and i decided to just head home via bus...

the bus stopped in countless terminals that is why

instead of having a 5-hour trip it went as long as 8-hour trip...

i was really tired... and another thing, i was really damn bored

during my stay at pangasinan that is the reason why we went home already

anyway, i have written an instant bloggy stuff when i was still there

remind me to upload it first thing in the morning...

btw, up2 now my cellphone is really malfunctioning

i should get a new noK phone by next year... :)

Wednesday, December 25, 2002

merry christmas!!!



ei guys, i just spent my noche buena alone at our balcony

eating fruitcake and puffing my cigarette...

it's such a shame that my family was sleeping!

i really cant understand them? they slowly have taken for granted

the spirit of christmas... back then, we used to be going to mass

and eat noche buena afterwards... they said that they were to tired

of preparing the food... we would just celebrate the next day!



well, i cant wait for that! so i just celebrate christmas all by myself

and i opened the gifts that my friends and my relatives gave me

i really appreciate their effort in giving me gifts but nothing would make me

happy than celebrating christmas together with my family!

well sometimes im really sentimental about such stuff

but its what i was accustomed to be having.. anyway, guys!

merry christmas!! :)

Tuesday, December 24, 2002

shucks! i wasnt able to attend our highschool reunion!

i was supposed to be attending the said party

but i thought that it would fall on a saturday

rather, it was scheduled at the time of our college block

christmas party that was the main reason why i didnt come to

the reunion...



anyway, its only one more day before christmas and im very

very excited to open my gifts. especially the gift that i bought for myself.

i bought couple of books and a cologne that i really really want!

ive been dying to read the books i bought for myself...

i just finished a book that i borrowed from LILIPOT...

entitled, CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

its rather cute! it brings the kiddie spirit in me...

suddenly i was craving for a bar of hershey chocolate :)



wazzup wd me? well ive been spending my time either at home

or at glorietta... ive been at glorietta last nyt bcoz i accompanied

my parents on their xmas shopping! and also i bought some stuff..

if im at home, either im reading a book or looking at some old stuff

im happy reading some old notes accompanied by wacky comments

on my professors or if not, comments regarding my classmates...

hehehe ill jaz cruise around rebelde for awhile.. ishowkies? :p

Saturday, December 21, 2002

wow! its really worth that i went to the block party

although i regret going early since i should have enjoyed it more

anyway, its also for my own good since i have just gone from fever

right now, im feeling a lil drowsy...



its a good thing to feel that i have already finished my undergrad

its really a feeling of accomplishment on my part

so, ill just be waiting for my graduation...

Friday, December 20, 2002

hi there peeps! its been awhile since i last blogged!

actually, its been 5 days! well, what happened in that five days of silence...

im actually dying deep inside. i have an emotional breakdown.

indeed, atty virgilio reyes is right in saying that the hardest problem one may

encounter is the one that deals with your emotions...

actually, i plan to finish all this problems before the year ends.

because it greatly affects my future especially my review for the board exams.

its almost 2 weeks that i havent attended my review classes since i don't have

the mood to attend. basically, i feel very frustrated. the first time i loved very seriously

is also my first heartbreak. i dont intend to talk with you the details but one thing i would

share to you is that im trying to heal the pain. i want to take that downfall as something positive.

something that would help me to move on. although it requires a lot of thinking and rekindling

every moment that we're together. i know i would surpass this very emotional feeling that i long for her.

i know that she doesnt want to go on to the next level but its really hard to accept that rejection.

i also know that i might not have a chance to see her but i will make the move in telling her what im feeling.

for the past few days, ive been thinking a lot about my plans... but it seems they are all shattered. anyway,

im still going to take the final move and let's just wait for whatever that might happen. i still believe in miracles!

although one thing ive learned from life is that do not expect, because great expectations contribute a lot of pain

in realizing that you have not achieved what you want.



right now, its our course card day. the final course card day. maybe 5 minutes more, and ill go to school.

how can i pretend that i feel normal where in fact i am deteriorated deep inside. i have just gone from fever

i dunno if its what i call the usual love sick wherein after a great heartbreak i usually become sick... ey, i think i have

to go now... ill just blog later... :D

Saturday, December 14, 2002

shesh... im really drowned by so much fatigue inside my system

i get easily distracted by almost anything... even a slight annoyance

maybe its the result of too much stress. i really need to loosen up a bit

come next week, i will be enjoying those few days with my friends especially with jenny

i really like being with her since she's really funny and i enjoy her company

anyway, back to the main issue... as i was saying i am really stressed

that's why im relaxing a bit and enjoying this free internet surfing courtesy of my brother

i think this entry is okay just to write somethin... bye for now
Friend of Mine

Performed By: Lea Salonga







I.



I've known you for so long

You are a friend of mine

And babe is this all we'd ever be

I've loved you ever since you are a friend of mine

And babe is this all we ever could be





Chorus:



You tell me things I'll never know

I'll show you love you've never shown

And then again when you cry

I'm always at your side



You tell me `bout the love you've had

And I listen very eagerly

But deep inside you'll never see

This feeling of emptiness that makes me feel sad

But then again I'm glad

I've known you all my life

You are a friend of mine



II.



I know this is how it's gonna be

I've loved you then and I love you still

You're a friend of mine

Now I know friends are all we ever could be





Chorus:



You tell me things I'll never know

I'll show you love you've never shown

But then again when you cry

I'm always at your side



You tell me `bout the love you've had

And I listen very eagerly

But deep inside you'll never see

This feeling of emptiness that makes me feel sad

But then again then again Then again I'm glad

Sunday, December 1, 2002

its already my last week listening to professors, doing tons of homeworks/reaction papers, taking mind-boggling examinations... but i know it doesnt end here since i still have to study for my review classes. but the feeling that soon ill be graduating is really a triumph... but then again, i still have another hurdle to face. and that is the CPA board exams... many say that it is one heck of an examination. the passing rate is really low, and many of us are still doubtful if we can make it. but since im from la salle, i can say with pride that our university produces top notchers... not only that, we have a high percentage of passing rate! ... gawsh! i think im already going beyond my topic here. as i was saying, few days from now ill be free from so many work... that'll be good since i have more time to focus for the upcoming examinations.



now lets talk about changes that occurred recently in my life... i used to be the carefree individual who rarely gives a lot of focus on my acadamic subjects. but since course card distribution is fast approaching and this is supposedly my last term, i have to give my best shot. i used to be going out twice or even more in a week but i feel that i have to focus. i learned that my parents are paying so much for my education. theyre giving me support in all aspects of the review. and i realized that i should give my all when it comes to my studies. having no social life is really bad! all work with no play is not my vocabulary but right now i will take the exception. knowing the right time for fun is the right term for me. after the finals, we would be celebrating christmas with my block, friends, family... i would have a chance to unwind. but now is not the right time. although i give myself a break every now and then. but i see to it that it would not affect my performance especially my will to study.

Saturday, November 30, 2002

darn it! i wanna curse the world yesterday!!! its really shitty! my roommate (allen) borrowed my keys and went to the condo while i was sitting in the lobby then, after getting his things bcoz he's going home already, he failed to return my keys! on my part, i think i also have my own shortcomings for not getting the keys. but its his responsibility to return what he borrowed. that simple thing caused me so much harm that night.



i went on waiting for about 30 minutes because i texted him through the cellphone of a stranger luckily i recalled the phone number of my friend (jayvee) and he volunteered to talk to allen the fucking part is my roommate she said that i should somehow wait for about 2 hours!! because he will first go home and dismantle his things and after that return at the condo... luckily i decided to go to jayvee's house knowing the danger it can lead because he said that it is already unsafe for me. its around 11:00 at that time, as i was walking at his house, a van approached me. A guy without shirt sneaked out from his window (i thought he was throwing something in my direction) and hit me. fortunately, he didnt reached me. but i trembled. i was in a state of shock. anyway, i was really hurrying and after awhile i already arrived at my friends house.



if it wouldnt for jayvee, i didnt know what would happen to me in that span of time waiting for a miracle to happen fortunately, he helped me contact my other roommate through his landline and cellphone. who i think is still in the vicinity of manila... shortly somebody texted through jayvee's cellphone. it was emil (my other roommate who's still in manila). he said that he already have found his keys (he said awhile ago that he misplaced his keys) and i can already go back to the dorm. But i began to wonder the struggles ill be experiencing walking back to the condo (remembering the van incident)... good thing jayvee's older sister initiated that they'll gonna drive me back to my dorm...



it happened yesterday.. so its nov 29. most of the people at our room have already left for this weekend. since nov30 is a holiday, theres nothing to do. but our shitty review still requires us to go to class... by the way, my roommate who borrowed my keys didnt return to the condo. he suggested that i sleep over at jayvee's house... lesson ive learned is never to lend my personal and significant things with other people most importantly if they are very irresponsible!

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

Movie Line from "Chasing Army"



Alyssa: "Why are we stopping?"

Holden: "Because I can't take this."

Alyssa: "Can't take what?"

Holden: "I love you."

Alyssa: "You love me?"

Holden: "I love you. ANd not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you call it. And it's not because you're unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You're the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend, and that crossing that line is the farthest thing from an option you'd ever consider. But I had to say it. I can't take it anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can;t look in your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can';t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this probably queer our friendship--no pun intended--but i had to say it because I';ve never felt this befroe, and I like who I am because I've never felt this before, and i like who i am because of it. and if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But i couldnt allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shootdown. And ill accept that. But i know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation. that means you feel something too. All i ask is that you no dismiss thatat least for 10 seconds--and try to dwell in it, Alyssa, there isnt another soul on this planet whos ever made me half the person i am when im with you, and i would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. because its there between you and me. you
im really depressed with my performance awhile ago in my exam. its really bloody frustrating. i studied really hard, knowing all of the formulas and even the rationale for such application then i learned that i didnt get a perfect score because of petty mistakes... shesh... anyway, for a change, im reading a new book entitled 7 habits of an effective teens {something like that}... its really inspiring and it really soothes myself and what im undergoing right now. im really troubled when it comes to love problems, academics, and spiritual enlightenment.



im getting too serious... so im gonna talk about my day. well its a great day minus my exam frustrations and few carelessness that i deemed inherent within my system. i think we all have our own shortcomings day by day. i have my share of downfall and fortunately i brought with my the book i was telling you awhile ago. its the one that my bestriend karla has lend me. btw, not to confuse you but the bestriend that im talking about in my previous blog is not synonymous to bestriend karla... i consider the other one as an implied bestfriend since we really enjoy each others' presence... hey guys, i think this entry is already long enough.. i still have to check my other mails and answer few review questions for tomorrow... so ill just call it a night then. :}

Monday, November 25, 2002

hey its another monday morning... i wanna start the day right. although i slept already late last night i still manage to wake up early for the review. its alrady my second week of taking my review for the CPA board exam and should i say im still enthusiastic to go for it. well, i wanna study really hard so that i wouldnt only pass but hopefully i can top the board exams... hahaha forget about that... [parang nananaginip pa rin ako]... anyway, im already equiped for my test later. may test kasi ako sa undergrad accounting class ko e...



about my social life, i think its slowly diminishing. but wat da heck. its for my own good. imagine this, it would just take me half a year to exert the best effort so i have to make the best out of it. no more movies, no more nights out. just plain review. and i can attest to that. i wouldnt go out, maybe the only time i can losen up a bit would be during my christmas break. anyhow, im enjoying my new leisure. that's internet surfing. so you'll probably see more of me here. after reviewing for so many hours, i could break free by posting a thing or two...

Saturday, November 23, 2002

hi its me... its really been awhile since i updated my new blog... well for couple of reasons: one, i didnt have access to the internet

since my brother used the laptop at home. so i never had the chance to bring it at burgundy... another reason is that my internet card username is stored in the computer although i know the password i cant use it. second, i have already started my review at PRTC for the CPA board exams. so i barely have the time to do my routinary internet surfing... well, you might ask why im already here on the internet... basically, at this time around there is no people at burgundy. naturally, i wont let myself become insane by just talking to myself there. at least here i can use my time productively. knowing how life is going on ... too much accounting, taxation, business law have already preoccupied my mind. thank God, i have the luxury of time ryt now to surf...



how do i feel? well, im kinda frustrated... just when i knew im falling for her, i began to be so coward. it feels really strange since i consider her as my bestfriend. how in the world will she ever accept my feelings?! its really sad since the one she likes also likes her... i have encountered endless pain, i really dont know if i can still endure it but i know i will surivive. im pretty busy so

i hope it will just subside. i even hate to admit it but, it really goes under my skin. i think of her day and night. we're always together, and i cant help not looking at her with awe as i think of the possibilities of saying what i feel... oh well, i guess someday my lips are going to utter words that i never imagined i will be doing... so ill let time fly by itself as day will pass... let me just rekindle

every moment im with her for i know that when i tell her everything, there might be a possibility of rejection and our friendship might end. with this precious time we will be together, i will just have to mesmerize the moment im with her :)

Friday, November 15, 2002

Yey! At long last, i have my new blogspot webbie

guys, if you wanna check my old webbies here are the sites:

bloggy 1

bloggy 2...



i'll just eat dinner... ciao!