Tuesday, December 31, 2002

hey its the last day of the year! well, it didnt turn out well as of now. im really angry at my brother's childish ways. he's so annoying and damn! he's really a spoiled jerk. anyway, im trying to forget about it but when it did get to my nerves i have the tendency to be a bit cranky. shesh... may sumpong na agad ako!! ang aga aga pa naman... well i just hope this thing will be through by the time the year ends so that ill start anew.
my blog when i was still in pangasinan:

Time seems to flow very fast since the last time we met. I reckon that night before we parted. She looks dazzling and even more astounding. Back then, it never fails to make my heart beat. Though I said I will forget my feelings for her, I still can’t stop my emotions from being overjoyed every time I think of the moments I’m with her. It’s already a week since we had a vacation. It may seem a temporary vacation for me but it is not. I am not going to see her for the class because our review schools are different. Right now, it is my second day at our province. I call it ‘a time to reflect’. It is a time that I should say as a moment of pausing since it will require a great force of energy to master the fundamentals of accounting. Next year, I would need a lot of concentration because the board exam is nearly approaching. I would also try to resolve my problems of the heart. It seems to me that it is such a powerful force that drains most of my energies. It also affects much of my willingness and it hinders me from achieving what I want if I am very much disappointed with matters of the heart. And for that I have decided to close the chapter that tackles my loving desire for that girl for awhile. Should it require me to take up a closing journal entry? I might since I am an accountancy major. I have decided that it should also be a good thing to make a reversing journal entry once I have passed the CPA Board Exams… Ain’t that cute?! It may seem to fall again on the conversation of the heart … gesh! I’ve decided to change the topic because I don’t want to feel the heartache again and again!

As i have just said, it's been my second day here at Pangasinan. WHat have i done lately? Well, we went to the beach yesterday. A little stroll and i found out that there are some changes both good and bad on our beach resort. THe good part is that they have already started to build a large cottage that would serve as our sanctuary once we have a family reunion which happens every April. But unfortunately, the cottage remained unfinished. I have also noticed that there seems to be a big puddle of salt water lying just near the shore. My cousin said that it was caused by a storm which occured sometime in July. Then, after a few walks we settled in one of the kawayan cottages. It seems to me that i havent been over with my terrible vices. I even drank a beer last night. Although i feel good just watching the sun go down, i feel at my worst thinking of the girl that i should have right now. I always thought that we are for each other since we enjoy each other's company but i know that she doesn't feel the kind of affection im feeling for her. Its such a shame that i dont have her to experience this spectacular event. During my stay here, i have been reading a novel by Robert Waller, which is entitled "The Bridges of Madison County". Robert, the character in the book, is a photographer and is adoring the beauty of the sunset. He says that most people just walk away after seeing the sun from setting. They do not know the aftermath of it. I looked at the sky and saw a beautiful mixture of colors that was painted in the sky. The light is said to be bouncing back from the sky. I saw what Robert was trying to say in the novel. It was really adorable. It was more than magnificent but an enchanting moment for me. As dawn quickly arrived we returned back home and waited for supper to be served. I read again the novel and was enticed by the romance. The story of Robert and Francesca was really mesmerizing. It fathoms not the usual teenybopper love story but a magical romantic novel. I begin to wonder how the powerful magic of love as it plays when destiny arrives. I was used in believing that there were no such things as destiny and even in soulmate. But i thought of the chances that we are given. Love comes suddenly that u never really imagine that this person would capture your heart. and u become a bit amazed that u feel a weird sensation in our heart. You feel that she completes you totally and it seems that eternity is what you feel when youre with her. Like in the novel, they only have four days of togetherness but it was a lifetime according to them. i have felt that too but only to myself since i kept it. I know she feels something too (somehow) but she's trying to hold it back and repress the feeling since it would be awkward to be in love with a friend. Or maybe im not that perfect for her (sob...). I konw she'll one day realize that she cant find her mr perfect and she will someday realize the person that she loves is the person that makes her laugh and somebody she wants to be with most of the time feeling the comfort. But i hope that time will occur is when the time i still feel something for her. but come to think of it, if you really love a person then there is the saying that 'love is patient and kind'. i know ill wait for her even though i think i wont. subconciously, i know i will still lover her as time rolls by.

---case closed!---

[ part 2 of pangasinan blogs coming up... ]

Sunday, December 29, 2002

hi guyz... im really really tired and exhausted from the long trip...

i've been to pangasinan for almost three days...

my parents were still gonna stay there til monday

so my cousin and i decided to just head home via bus...

the bus stopped in countless terminals that is why

instead of having a 5-hour trip it went as long as 8-hour trip...

i was really tired... and another thing, i was really damn bored

during my stay at pangasinan that is the reason why we went home already

anyway, i have written an instant bloggy stuff when i was still there

remind me to upload it first thing in the morning...

btw, up2 now my cellphone is really malfunctioning

i should get a new noK phone by next year... :)

Wednesday, December 25, 2002

merry christmas!!!



ei guys, i just spent my noche buena alone at our balcony

eating fruitcake and puffing my cigarette...

it's such a shame that my family was sleeping!

i really cant understand them? they slowly have taken for granted

the spirit of christmas... back then, we used to be going to mass

and eat noche buena afterwards... they said that they were to tired

of preparing the food... we would just celebrate the next day!



well, i cant wait for that! so i just celebrate christmas all by myself

and i opened the gifts that my friends and my relatives gave me

i really appreciate their effort in giving me gifts but nothing would make me

happy than celebrating christmas together with my family!

well sometimes im really sentimental about such stuff

but its what i was accustomed to be having.. anyway, guys!

merry christmas!! :)

Tuesday, December 24, 2002

shucks! i wasnt able to attend our highschool reunion!

i was supposed to be attending the said party

but i thought that it would fall on a saturday

rather, it was scheduled at the time of our college block

christmas party that was the main reason why i didnt come to

the reunion...



anyway, its only one more day before christmas and im very

very excited to open my gifts. especially the gift that i bought for myself.

i bought couple of books and a cologne that i really really want!

ive been dying to read the books i bought for myself...

i just finished a book that i borrowed from LILIPOT...

entitled, CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

its rather cute! it brings the kiddie spirit in me...

suddenly i was craving for a bar of hershey chocolate :)



wazzup wd me? well ive been spending my time either at home

or at glorietta... ive been at glorietta last nyt bcoz i accompanied

my parents on their xmas shopping! and also i bought some stuff..

if im at home, either im reading a book or looking at some old stuff

im happy reading some old notes accompanied by wacky comments

on my professors or if not, comments regarding my classmates...

hehehe ill jaz cruise around rebelde for awhile.. ishowkies? :p

Saturday, December 21, 2002

wow! its really worth that i went to the block party

although i regret going early since i should have enjoyed it more

anyway, its also for my own good since i have just gone from fever

right now, im feeling a lil drowsy...



its a good thing to feel that i have already finished my undergrad

its really a feeling of accomplishment on my part

so, ill just be waiting for my graduation...

Friday, December 20, 2002

hi there peeps! its been awhile since i last blogged!

actually, its been 5 days! well, what happened in that five days of silence...

im actually dying deep inside. i have an emotional breakdown.

indeed, atty virgilio reyes is right in saying that the hardest problem one may

encounter is the one that deals with your emotions...

actually, i plan to finish all this problems before the year ends.

because it greatly affects my future especially my review for the board exams.

its almost 2 weeks that i havent attended my review classes since i don't have

the mood to attend. basically, i feel very frustrated. the first time i loved very seriously

is also my first heartbreak. i dont intend to talk with you the details but one thing i would

share to you is that im trying to heal the pain. i want to take that downfall as something positive.

something that would help me to move on. although it requires a lot of thinking and rekindling

every moment that we're together. i know i would surpass this very emotional feeling that i long for her.

i know that she doesnt want to go on to the next level but its really hard to accept that rejection.

i also know that i might not have a chance to see her but i will make the move in telling her what im feeling.

for the past few days, ive been thinking a lot about my plans... but it seems they are all shattered. anyway,

im still going to take the final move and let's just wait for whatever that might happen. i still believe in miracles!

although one thing ive learned from life is that do not expect, because great expectations contribute a lot of pain

in realizing that you have not achieved what you want.



right now, its our course card day. the final course card day. maybe 5 minutes more, and ill go to school.

how can i pretend that i feel normal where in fact i am deteriorated deep inside. i have just gone from fever

i dunno if its what i call the usual love sick wherein after a great heartbreak i usually become sick... ey, i think i have

to go now... ill just blog later... :D

Saturday, December 14, 2002

shesh... im really drowned by so much fatigue inside my system

i get easily distracted by almost anything... even a slight annoyance

maybe its the result of too much stress. i really need to loosen up a bit

come next week, i will be enjoying those few days with my friends especially with jenny

i really like being with her since she's really funny and i enjoy her company

anyway, back to the main issue... as i was saying i am really stressed

that's why im relaxing a bit and enjoying this free internet surfing courtesy of my brother

i think this entry is okay just to write somethin... bye for now
Friend of Mine

Performed By: Lea Salonga







I.



I've known you for so long

You are a friend of mine

And babe is this all we'd ever be

I've loved you ever since you are a friend of mine

And babe is this all we ever could be





Chorus:



You tell me things I'll never know

I'll show you love you've never shown

And then again when you cry

I'm always at your side



You tell me `bout the love you've had

And I listen very eagerly

But deep inside you'll never see

This feeling of emptiness that makes me feel sad

But then again I'm glad

I've known you all my life

You are a friend of mine



II.



I know this is how it's gonna be

I've loved you then and I love you still

You're a friend of mine

Now I know friends are all we ever could be





Chorus:



You tell me things I'll never know

I'll show you love you've never shown

But then again when you cry

I'm always at your side



You tell me `bout the love you've had

And I listen very eagerly

But deep inside you'll never see

This feeling of emptiness that makes me feel sad

But then again then again Then again I'm glad

Sunday, December 1, 2002

its already my last week listening to professors, doing tons of homeworks/reaction papers, taking mind-boggling examinations... but i know it doesnt end here since i still have to study for my review classes. but the feeling that soon ill be graduating is really a triumph... but then again, i still have another hurdle to face. and that is the CPA board exams... many say that it is one heck of an examination. the passing rate is really low, and many of us are still doubtful if we can make it. but since im from la salle, i can say with pride that our university produces top notchers... not only that, we have a high percentage of passing rate! ... gawsh! i think im already going beyond my topic here. as i was saying, few days from now ill be free from so many work... that'll be good since i have more time to focus for the upcoming examinations.



now lets talk about changes that occurred recently in my life... i used to be the carefree individual who rarely gives a lot of focus on my acadamic subjects. but since course card distribution is fast approaching and this is supposedly my last term, i have to give my best shot. i used to be going out twice or even more in a week but i feel that i have to focus. i learned that my parents are paying so much for my education. theyre giving me support in all aspects of the review. and i realized that i should give my all when it comes to my studies. having no social life is really bad! all work with no play is not my vocabulary but right now i will take the exception. knowing the right time for fun is the right term for me. after the finals, we would be celebrating christmas with my block, friends, family... i would have a chance to unwind. but now is not the right time. although i give myself a break every now and then. but i see to it that it would not affect my performance especially my will to study.