@r0ndzm

It all started early November.. something like a huge plate shattered right before my eyes. It splattered across my feet and I can't do anything about it. Like an earthquake causing such catastrophe that further broke more china. It was dreadful. I have let the wounds on my feet heal first. It took me about few months to recover. Now its time to pick up the pieces together. And hopefully I can find a new set of plates.

The problem is that I tend to put so many expectation of what kind of plates I want. Would it be something unbreakable or something pretty that I can show off with my friends. I guess I will just keep strolling until I find the perfect match. And no matter how expensive it is as long as I have come to love it - it would make a difference.

Life's full of irony and its funny how I keep on having the same mistakes over and over. Its hard to fix something that has already been so complicated. Its hard to untangle the labyrinth of conflicting dramas. This phase is overwhelming and has so many individual headaches and heartaches. I guess I'm fragile. My life's going to a certain place which I know I want to go but reluctant of the outcome. Making it more complicated is the thought of uncertainty of where I will stay in the future.

I started to make each day worth living. Experiencing the bright sun on a Sunday morning alone. Meticulously looking at each one and how they spend their early morning errands.

Yesterday, I'm with my friends strolling in Paddington markets knowing that I don't have a cent to spent since I'm moving out soon. Rents extremely pricey nowadays. Just got a 6% increase on my rent, making it $1.5k per month - which is ridiculously unaffordable. Without second thoughts, I've lodged my notice of lease termination.

i guess i was too tired or too many repressions these days. its weird that we dream about something and we couldn't totally remember them. and the moment we wake up, its like glimpses of scenes from a movie that flashes back to us.

Here's what I remember:
- that I met someone so hot and we did something naughty in public;
- that I got arrested after doing it;
- that we had a nanny back home and she's trying to kill us;
- I ran for help and weird enough I saw my high school classmate and my E&Y senior manager;
- that the nanny was caught but not handcuffed, instead she has a million plastic bags for donation to the children;
- that I got frustrated and started to strip naked and dance in the rain; and
- and that my mom caught me doing it outside our balcony.

What does this dream mean?

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I had so much fun in Jamberoo yestered. Chickened out in "The Rock" just because I couldn't jump 10 feet in a 5m deep pool. I thought I could. I was the next one to jump and my life flashed back before my eyes and I panicked. I couldn't do it. The guy at my back said that its not that difficult. But I asked him - "Even if I don't know how to swim?". He said I might drown but my instinct might save me.. Without second thoughts - I withdrew. It was soo embarrassing cos my friends is cheering for me and everyone else is looking. Just plain chicken. After that I suggested that we don't eat at "Chicken Spot". haha

Going to Kiama today with Emie and friends. This should be fun.
Uploaded some videos from cp concert last night. See link below.



Unfortunately, I'm not a good camera man. :(

It takes quarter of a year to finally end something that has been unwavering
Thought i would never reach this stage. I'm so thankful I'm free.
Thanks for everything. Closure has now set its foot. And now I can finally move on...

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Speaking of Chapter. I just bought the new book of JG called "The Associate".
I set aside Stephenie Meyer for a while and read JG's book.

I did say awhile ago that both my trains got massive delays. Well, now I missed my flight by just one minute. Geez.. Final call changes to closed when I reached the counter. My printer ran out if ink and I can't do it online.



Options are:

- rebook me to an international flight an hour from now ; or

- wait for another 5 hours cos the other flights were full.



I aint got my passport with me and thought of just re booking for another holiday in April..



I guess mere sheer luck has opened one seat for me to take the 915 flight. Grabbed it. Cost me 70 bucks (even expensive than my one way flight back). And an overpriced yb cos I needed one badly. I'm desperate and bought it from a stranger :)...



Something tells me I shouldn't go to this trip.

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I'm on my way to domestic airport. Finally. But I have to curse this stupid trains. Both of 'em (incl. My connecting) were late. Far out..



Last night was so fantastic. Coldplay even thanked us for sparing the night from our busy saturday night. Weird enough I felt good cos I originally planned to fly off Friday night. This had broke my holiday by 2 nights and a full day. But it was worth it. Chris was full of energy. I thought that they wouldn't sing 'The Scientist' but reserved it second to the last. Their last song brought LSS to all people after the show. And even in the train. Life in Technecolor ii's beat is just amazing.





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Wohoo. Got a shirt as well.

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finally got my NSW sponsorship approved. Next step is the PR process. Cant believe the turnaround was so quick. Lodged it last Friday and already got a response today. Yay!

Could it get any better than this...

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there's so much uncertainty in what's going to happen next.
so many options to consider but still some light on this crazy economy.

should i relocate to rural area in victoria?
move to melbourne or perth?
marry an australian citizen?
or just go back home?

the easy way is for me to get a job here in sydney but its close to impossible
if that happens then i don't need to sell my stuff and terminate my lease
i just realised that my friend lost his job as well
economy is really getting shaky and this reality shock has made me desperate to find a solution.

tomorrow our division would have a NSW business update
its a bit scary and i just don't want to hear another sad news
but lets face it - it gets worse and worse everyday
just hoping and praying for a bright tomorrow for all of us

choices becoming slim as days pass by. should i or should i not? i know for sure that audit is something i surely enjoy. i cant say that i dont have passion doing what im doing. and i cant say that i entirely never got sick of doing it. i've been doing this for half a decade.

a lot of people always ask what my plan is. but really its hard to tell. at this point i dont have a definite plan. i should - but i couldnt finalise it. but step by step my contract ends, i started to dwell on little things like an inventory of some assets i need to liquidate. requirements for visa. updating cv. going to interview. chasing agents. planning for my final holiday...

just this weekend, i have finally got to the realisation point. that it is actually happening. that im going back home. that i have to leave sydney after 2.4 years.

@ work, im taking it easy. hoping not to be stressed out. as my senior manager would tell me - you have to think about yourself first. which is really good. have time for myself. have time to enjoy my over priced apartment. and enjoy the last 2 months of my stay here in sydney.

lets see what happens next -