Monday, June 28, 2010

Its June and its winter!

Passing through the chilly winds, I feel desperate to seek shelter. Temporarily on the hands of a cafe. I rummaged through the magazines and newspapers available but nothing seems to interest me. Fifa is all around the harbour and it keeps me entertained besides work. It all goes routinary at some point. But still I continue to seek for something interesting. But nothing satisfies my urges. The lowest pit that I've submerged into, I need to go out and make it happen.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Analysing Me

Finally, I've had the courage to remove the cobwebs that has been blocking me for a week. And to top that, t'was raining so hard and like my housemate feels - I am just plain miserable.

Now that little by little, we get some sunshine. Let's bring on the activities. Let's go live life as it should be lived.

I know I owe so much stories to tell. Blame it on the poetic influences I've been flooding my blog recently...

Chapter 1: Pyrmont Life
One can never find a perfect place to be, but I guess I found it. Can you imagine that I'm walking to my office every single day. Walking to cafés, cheap uni resto's, fish market. Walking to the City. Pub, Clubs, Night life. Shopping, malls. Endless possibilities. Only thing missing is the beach, but who cares really. At least I'm Tsunami-safe. haha

One can never ask for a perfect housemate. Sandra's the coolest. Teaches me how to clean. Has the energy to uplift my boring days. Appreciates simple things like when I cook (which seldom happens, really) or clean my godforsaken toilet. Teaches me how to do proper laundry. Not just the throw and wait technique I've learned on my own. Also taught me how to do proper ironing. And most of all, she can endure my mood swings. Or maybe I haven't had one cos she's just plain amazing.

Chapter 2: My well-deserved 13-day Holiday
I honestly thought I wouldn't be allowed to go on a holiday considering I barely reached my third month on this new work. I felt extremely lucky that they allow me to get negative leaves. I guess I have to thank my charm as well and I did get approval from the CEO herself.

Holiday was a rush. Finally, I've seen my family. Spent time with them and though it pains me to leave after 8 days, my heart remains and I will always be going back whenever possible. I hate to say that I do have regrets on decisions I made but it's all for the best. I know they understand that I am still looking for a purpose that's why I still reside in Australia.

Part of my holiday was to also search for a missing piece of life-long puzzle I am trying to recreate. I thought I have found it. Even brought it back in Sydney for me to know if it will eventually fit. But sadly I was wrong. Felt agitated. But still I wouldn't say that I completely wasted my time in search of that piece. Sometimes you search for gold knowing that it glitters and might good look on your masterpiece. But later in life, you will realise that discovering the very essence of the puzzle will be the key in finding the suitable piece.

That short stay was the longest. This paradox help me value every second of my stay home. Frustrations were soon compensated with the quality time spent with my loved ones. Nothing beats that.

Singapore was another venue. Relax. Shop. Eat. Though coupled with budget constraints. It feels refreshing how little money spent can bring happiness to a rehabilitated me. How I constrict myself with limited spending. This time I value every cent. But still little things can be valuable when shared with the bestest friends who's there with you on your escapades.

Chapter 3: Storm and the Rainbow
Upon my return, I was beset with deep sorrow as I adjust myself from the humidity and Summer's heat from the tropics to the winter greeting upon my arrival in Sydney. To make it worse, it was raining all throughout the week. Honestly, I was not at my best during those period of time. Apart from restrained physical activities. My mood was at an all time low. Stuffed with work from office. Feels empty cos it seems that everything seems to be falling apart.

But at the end of every storm, a rainbow always comes along. The beauty after every destruction is unexplainable. Looking outside the vast Sydney skyscrapers stood a magnificent rainbow, showing off all its radiant colours. And I believed that its a sign to finally go on with life. Continue reaching for the dreams that was temporarily taken aside.

On this journey, I want to thank Roi and Sandra for being there when I needed them. You guys rocked my world!

Chapter 4: Pushing the 'Play' button
I muster the courage and conviction to achieve some goals. I will live each day aspiring for an outcome. Time to finally push the 'play' button once again. Live life with zest. And on my conquest. I shall say that this with pride: "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith".

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Shine On Me

The storm had passed. The sky is much clearer. All the pouring rain had finally stopped. Just for a moment, I want to see the sun shine on me again. I just want to feel spellbound into eternity of the paradise perfume. One day, it will.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Paradis parfumé

Comme vous êtes loin, paradis parfumé,
Où sous un clair azur tout n'est qu'amour et joie,
Où tout ce que l'on aime est digne d'être aimé,
Où dans la volupté pure le coeur se noie!
Comme vous êtes loin, paradis parfumé!

(taken from Moesta et Errabunda by Charles Baudelaire)

* * * * *
and thats where I want to be.
waiting for someone to take me there.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Troubled Traveller

Ticking of the clock, time stood still
Seems ages and it doesn't want to reveal
Let me be preoccupied, I need a diversion
I just dont want to deal with it, I guess.

Riveting as this phase can be
It is coupled with risks and uncertainties
Longing for something that might not exist
I stand in crossroads not knowing where to go.

I finally decided to wait for a bus
and i will take the backseat, I need serenity.
Then sleep in the mystifying aura of melancholy
Drive me to the place where I am destined to be.

Si Tu Me Olvidas

Quiero que sepas
una cosa.

Tú sabes cómo es esto:
si miro
la luna de cristal, la rama roja
del lento otoño en mi ventana,
si toco
junto al fuego
la impalpable ceniza
o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,
todo me lleva a ti,
como si todo lo que existe:
aromas, luz, metales,
fueran pequeños barcos que navegan
hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.

Ahora bien,
si poco a poco dejas de quererme
dejaré de quererte poco a poco.

Si de pronto
me olvidas
no me busques,
que ya te habré olvidado.

Si consideras largo y loco
el viento de banderas
que pasa por mi vida
y te decides
a dejarme a la orilla
del corazón en que tengo raíces,
piensa
que en esa día,
a esa hora
levantaré los brazos
y saldrán mis raíces
a buscar otra tierra.

Pero
si cada día,
cada hora,
sientes que a mí estás destinada
con dulzura implacable,
si cada día sube
una flor a tus labios a buscarme,
ay amor mío, ay mía,
en mí todo ese fuego se repite,
en mí nada se apaga ni se olvida,
mi amor se nutre de tu amor, amada,
y mientras vivas estará en tus brazos
sin salir de los míos.

- Pablo Neruda

* * * * *
The magnificence of this poem captured me completely. And I shall wait and hope that forgotten is a forgotten word.