I've seen how friendships, relationships crumble. It is disheartening to see the pain suffered and carried out without any resolution. It felt good being an ambassador to my friends to let them at least talk about it, lessen the pain and open the door and move on. On the same note, I cannot understand how a person can be unforgiving, relentless and can abandon you - just like that. It pains me to see how everything is thrown away. I believe that if you let it pass for more than 24 hours and you have said your amends. The apologies will evaporate in the air, cease and never will be spoken again. Or at least would never be forgotten. A stain that will not be easily erased. For what its worth — means is nothing and absurdity is what I call it.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Rebuilding ME
The last time I blogged was when I got released from the hospital on Good Friday. It has been almost two months since then.
Last month was the climax of the whole health-ordeal! Takes big courage and struggle for me to finally cross the fragile bridge and finally breathe again. I am thanking all my Sydney friends who have helped me as I regain my strength and literally assisting me when I take my first small steps to recovery. Worth-mentioning are my friends Aiza, Sam and most especially Roi. They have sacrificed a lot for me and for that I am eternally indebted with their kindness.
The surgery went well of course. I was sedated still but I remember clearly how I acted weird around my friends. One thing that I recall is that I was happy to see friends who stayed by my side when I needed them most. After the surgery, I felt so fragile. I saw that there were so many tubes attached on my body. I felt lucky having them. I am at peace.
Few days after, another thunder came about. Minor complications that will lead to additional 2 weeks stay in the hospital. I had a wound breakdown and they had to re-open the stitches. It was the worst pain ever, as I do not have any anesthesia or pain relievers to ease the pain. Further to that, I had another wave of abscess that needed another drainage. Luckily it was not related to the colon resection and it was just a minor post-op surgery complications.
I began my days in the hospital very routinely. Taking a bath, watching Today's and hoping to win the cash-give-away's, writing in my journal, watching Ellen, reading Chuck Palahniuk's The Haunted and Damned, ward walking fashioning my bloody drains and my VAC machine, and a lot of things I won't bore you so much. Doing it for the first few days is fine but on the 15th day after post-op is just too much. I always look outside my window and see people enjoying the sun, sitting in the park - reading a book or having a picnic with mates. I envy them.
I was discharged on 20th day and I was really happy to see the outside world again. The transition was a bit hard, especially as I was carrying a small VAC machine (which is the optimal weight after a surgery that I can carry). The most obvious change is the assistance of the nurses. It felt different and hard for me to cope but I made it through. Roi and Sam would help me in things that require physical strength, like doing my groceries, laundry, or changing sheets.
As I am writing this, two weeks have passed [since discharge] and I am again bored. I talked with my boss and the good thing is that I will be back to my work on Monday. Half-day's for one week as advised by my doctor. Hopefully I can make it through just right.
Last month was the climax of the whole health-ordeal! Takes big courage and struggle for me to finally cross the fragile bridge and finally breathe again. I am thanking all my Sydney friends who have helped me as I regain my strength and literally assisting me when I take my first small steps to recovery. Worth-mentioning are my friends Aiza, Sam and most especially Roi. They have sacrificed a lot for me and for that I am eternally indebted with their kindness.
The surgery went well of course. I was sedated still but I remember clearly how I acted weird around my friends. One thing that I recall is that I was happy to see friends who stayed by my side when I needed them most. After the surgery, I felt so fragile. I saw that there were so many tubes attached on my body. I felt lucky having them. I am at peace.
Few days after, another thunder came about. Minor complications that will lead to additional 2 weeks stay in the hospital. I had a wound breakdown and they had to re-open the stitches. It was the worst pain ever, as I do not have any anesthesia or pain relievers to ease the pain. Further to that, I had another wave of abscess that needed another drainage. Luckily it was not related to the colon resection and it was just a minor post-op surgery complications.
I began my days in the hospital very routinely. Taking a bath, watching Today's and hoping to win the cash-give-away's, writing in my journal, watching Ellen, reading Chuck Palahniuk's The Haunted and Damned, ward walking fashioning my bloody drains and my VAC machine, and a lot of things I won't bore you so much. Doing it for the first few days is fine but on the 15th day after post-op is just too much. I always look outside my window and see people enjoying the sun, sitting in the park - reading a book or having a picnic with mates. I envy them.
I was discharged on 20th day and I was really happy to see the outside world again. The transition was a bit hard, especially as I was carrying a small VAC machine (which is the optimal weight after a surgery that I can carry). The most obvious change is the assistance of the nurses. It felt different and hard for me to cope but I made it through. Roi and Sam would help me in things that require physical strength, like doing my groceries, laundry, or changing sheets.
As I am writing this, two weeks have passed [since discharge] and I am again bored. I talked with my boss and the good thing is that I will be back to my work on Monday. Half-day's for one week as advised by my doctor. Hopefully I can make it through just right.
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